i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
