haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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