someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
