you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
