All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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