that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
