u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
