ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
