conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
