On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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