So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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