I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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