is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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