Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
