hotel room ftw
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
