The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
