Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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