Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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