So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
