put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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