If that was your dad, he is hot
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
