I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
