You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
