So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
