When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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