Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
