I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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