I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
