Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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