I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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