If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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