We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
