Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
