i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
