What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
