lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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