You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
