I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
