Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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