you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize