...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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