Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
