he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
