Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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