So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
