I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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