we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
