Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
