Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
