I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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