I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
