why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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