There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
