just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
