dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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