so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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