so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
