party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
