did you get engaged???
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
