You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
