you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I color on your dick again?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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