I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
