I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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