So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
