I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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