he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize