how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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