Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
