I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
