Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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