Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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