We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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