guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
