I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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