When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
