Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
