we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
