Duck Duck Cougar?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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