I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
