end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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