How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
