Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
