i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
