Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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