He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
