You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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